Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I CAN MOONWALK!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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