My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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