Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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