Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And then he peed in my hair
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