i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize