Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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