sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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