1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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