Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mom said you looked used
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize