I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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