Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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