oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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