i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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