It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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