Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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