You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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