Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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