I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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