i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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