To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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