once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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