He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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