my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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