I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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