I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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