I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
barbara walters just said penis...
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize