I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize