I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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