I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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