In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize