just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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