Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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