he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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