You really coming over, don't trick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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