is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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