Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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