It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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