I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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