Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize