I think my fart just growled at me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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