I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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