I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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