I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry about my life...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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