I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize