My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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