I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize