if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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