We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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