yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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