I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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